Well we are only 4wks3days and I am starting to think we are going to have night sickness instead of morning sickness. The last two nights I have been queasy. Lets just hope that is all I get! Haha, yeah right! :)
Sent from my android device.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
And so it begins...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
And we must go on...
So there we were, home with no baby, and a scar that ran from my belly button to my... well you get the picture. What to do? We did everything right, were friends first, dated, got married, great careers in place, and planned our pregnancy. Life was great! Boy, did my world just get turned upside down! But life doesn't always go according to plans. WTF?!
The idea of surrogacy started when I was still in the hospital. The next morning after the surgery, the on call Doc, who is the husband of the Doc that did the surgery, came in to explain the details of what happened. I was more sober then and had lots of questions. As he was explaining all this "stuff" to me, one thing stood out in my mind. I still had my ovaries! So I asked him, "hey Doc, you're telling me that I have eggs, but no oven?" "yes", he said. I said, "that means that we can still have a biological baby?" "technically, yes, but let's focus on getting you better first", he said. Okay, there's still hope!
I felt like I'd been hit by a Mac truck! In the next several months came all of the usual questions, the "what ifs". What if I would have waited longer between the fibroid surgery and getting pregnant? Maybe I should have asked more questions about my low blood pressure that day at the doctor's appt. Maybe I should have seen the signs, there were none, but I should have known anyway. This was my body and I didn't see it! The doctor should have known something, right? Was I being punished for bad decisions I've made in the past? Of course all of these thoughts were irrational, but you can't help to think "what could I have done differently?" Grieving SUCKS!!!!
During the grieving stages, my solace was research. I needed to understand more about this rare condition that cost me my baby and almost my life. The bottom line is this, Placenta Percreta is not something that anyone can predict or diagnose. The placenta embeded itself into the uterine wall so deeply that it actually breaks through. A medical mystery. Other research that helped with my sanity was information about surrogacy. I knew it existed, but knew nothing about it.
About a month after the surgery, my Aunt Paula called. I remember I was at a friends house. She was so excited when I answered the phone. She told me that her and a coworker were having lunch recently and the topic of surrogacy came up. This woman told Paula that she had always wanted to be a surrogate for someone, and my aunt's eyes lit up. She said she had a niece that just went through a horrible experience and proceeded to tell this woman my story. Paula asked her if it would be okay for her to give me her information and maybe I would call. I wasn't ready. We still needed time to process our next move.
So, the holiday's come and go, boy that was a rough Christmas, and on to Easter. I know Paula wanted to ask me if I had contacted her coworker, but I still couldn't. When George and I got back to Austin, it was time. We were ready to move forward. I called, she didn't answer, so I left a message. She called back, WOW! We spent over 2 hours on the phone, like we had been friends forever. This was crazy! Good, but crazy. Lisa was so easy to talk to, I strangely didn't feel uncomfortable with her at all. We decided to talk things over with our husbands and set up a meeting.
I did not tell George much about her because I wanted him to form his own opinion. He has great instincts and I trust that. So, we met memorial day weekend 2009. Things were a little awkward in the beginning, but after a 4 hour lunch, we seemed very comfortable. After we left, I asked George what he thought. He said they were the one! Okay, here we go, we are really going to do this! AWESOME!!!
The idea of surrogacy started when I was still in the hospital. The next morning after the surgery, the on call Doc, who is the husband of the Doc that did the surgery, came in to explain the details of what happened. I was more sober then and had lots of questions. As he was explaining all this "stuff" to me, one thing stood out in my mind. I still had my ovaries! So I asked him, "hey Doc, you're telling me that I have eggs, but no oven?" "yes", he said. I said, "that means that we can still have a biological baby?" "technically, yes, but let's focus on getting you better first", he said. Okay, there's still hope!
I felt like I'd been hit by a Mac truck! In the next several months came all of the usual questions, the "what ifs". What if I would have waited longer between the fibroid surgery and getting pregnant? Maybe I should have asked more questions about my low blood pressure that day at the doctor's appt. Maybe I should have seen the signs, there were none, but I should have known anyway. This was my body and I didn't see it! The doctor should have known something, right? Was I being punished for bad decisions I've made in the past? Of course all of these thoughts were irrational, but you can't help to think "what could I have done differently?" Grieving SUCKS!!!!
During the grieving stages, my solace was research. I needed to understand more about this rare condition that cost me my baby and almost my life. The bottom line is this, Placenta Percreta is not something that anyone can predict or diagnose. The placenta embeded itself into the uterine wall so deeply that it actually breaks through. A medical mystery. Other research that helped with my sanity was information about surrogacy. I knew it existed, but knew nothing about it.
About a month after the surgery, my Aunt Paula called. I remember I was at a friends house. She was so excited when I answered the phone. She told me that her and a coworker were having lunch recently and the topic of surrogacy came up. This woman told Paula that she had always wanted to be a surrogate for someone, and my aunt's eyes lit up. She said she had a niece that just went through a horrible experience and proceeded to tell this woman my story. Paula asked her if it would be okay for her to give me her information and maybe I would call. I wasn't ready. We still needed time to process our next move.
So, the holiday's come and go, boy that was a rough Christmas, and on to Easter. I know Paula wanted to ask me if I had contacted her coworker, but I still couldn't. When George and I got back to Austin, it was time. We were ready to move forward. I called, she didn't answer, so I left a message. She called back, WOW! We spent over 2 hours on the phone, like we had been friends forever. This was crazy! Good, but crazy. Lisa was so easy to talk to, I strangely didn't feel uncomfortable with her at all. We decided to talk things over with our husbands and set up a meeting.
I did not tell George much about her because I wanted him to form his own opinion. He has great instincts and I trust that. So, we met memorial day weekend 2009. Things were a little awkward in the beginning, but after a 4 hour lunch, we seemed very comfortable. After we left, I asked George what he thought. He said they were the one! Okay, here we go, we are really going to do this! AWESOME!!!
A long awaited day
Wow! It's finally here. The day we've waited for... We're pregnant! Those words just keep ringing in my ears. I just can not believe it. I am so very happy. We found out "unofficially" on Sunday, and although there are no false positives with pregnancy, I was still waiting for the "official" word from the doctor. This is so surreal. We're going to have a baby, or babies!!!!
What a journey this has been. Exactly 2 and a half years ago today, I was sitting in a hospital in Austin being told that I was going to lose my baby and they had no idea what was wrong with me. What a horrible, traumatic experience. Why, God, was this happening to me? I didn't understand...
Let me give you some background on me and George. We met in 1995, my first semester of college. My friend Mike introduced us and George helped me with an English paper. He is very smart, and a bit of a smartass! Once the paper was turned in, I looked back in the computer and he had changed the whole thing. It was very funny and I said, I really like this guy. He turned out to be an amazing friend, which is all he was for 7 years! Then, one day, I started to develop "feelings" for him. One night I confessed my love and so did he! We dated for 4 years and got married on march 4th, 2006. During that time we weathered a break up, a full-time traveling job for me, a move to Austin for him (which I later followed), and hurricane Katrina which forced us to push the wedding off for 4 months.
We decided that we wanted to wait a little while before having kids. All of our friends were kidless and we just didn't think we were ready. I then found out that I had a fibroid tumor on my uterus the size of a grapefruit that had to be removed before kids were possible. The surgery went great. No more excuses, it was time to try for kiddos!
In may of 2008, we went on a cruise with our best friends, who we helped hook up together, and BAM, we got pregnant! I wonder how that happened? LOL! Things were going great, other than a little bleeding in the beginning which turned out was kind of normal.
I had a dr.'s appt on august 22, 2008. Doc told me that my blood pressure was a little low, but nothing to worry about. He sent me next door for my blood work and then off I went about my day. We scheduled the next ultrasound for 2 weeks, that's when we were going to find out what the sex was. It was about 3am and I woke up and had to pee. When I sat down, the pain started. My abdomen hurt so bad! I couldn't breathe! I could barely move. I screamed for George to call 911. He was frantic. Running around the house looking for my pants and shoes. Yea, like I was really going to get dressed at a time like this. I just wanted EMS to get here and tell me what was going on.
They finally arrived, but didn't have a clue what was wrong. My blood pressure was extremely low, so off to the hospital we went. In the ER, they kept comming in asking questions and looking at charts and screens and kept leaving again. The tests went on for hours! No pain meds for me, I was preggers! It sucked!
They finally moved me to the labor & delivery floor sometime that morning. We were in a larger, private room so we could get some rest. They still don't know what is wrong, but the baby looked fine. After some time, I woke up to what I thought was me peeing on myself. Wrong, my water just broke, I going into labor! WHAT?! They said the baby was fine! The on call Doc came in & told us that I had to deliver this baby and they would start potossin. Over my DEAD body!!! There wad no way in Hell that I was delivering this baby that had no chance of survival! Besides, my Doc and I already decided on a c-section because of the fibroid surgery I had less than a year prior. She finally agreed to a section because they had to do an exploratory surgery anyway to figure out what was wrong with me. I kissed my husband good bye and off I went, still knowing nothing.
After surgery, I woke up in the ICU and there was a party going on in my room! Well, maybe not a party, but the drugs sure made it feel that way! I look to my left, and she looked like an angel kneeling next to my bedside. It was the Doc. She was there to tell me what happened. She thought they should wait till morning, but George knows me all too well and told her I would ask as soon as I woke. He was right!
It was a condition called placenta percreta. My placenta actually ruptured my uterin wall. That's not something that you hear about everyday. There is a reason why, it is very rare, and usually happens during labor, which results in a live birth and an emergency hysterectomy. Well, we got 1 out of 2. At that time, there had only been 3 confirmed cases of this happening during pregnancy including mine. Only 1 person lived, me.
That is why today is such an important day for me and George. Thank you Jesus! More to follow...
Tara
What a journey this has been. Exactly 2 and a half years ago today, I was sitting in a hospital in Austin being told that I was going to lose my baby and they had no idea what was wrong with me. What a horrible, traumatic experience. Why, God, was this happening to me? I didn't understand...
Let me give you some background on me and George. We met in 1995, my first semester of college. My friend Mike introduced us and George helped me with an English paper. He is very smart, and a bit of a smartass! Once the paper was turned in, I looked back in the computer and he had changed the whole thing. It was very funny and I said, I really like this guy. He turned out to be an amazing friend, which is all he was for 7 years! Then, one day, I started to develop "feelings" for him. One night I confessed my love and so did he! We dated for 4 years and got married on march 4th, 2006. During that time we weathered a break up, a full-time traveling job for me, a move to Austin for him (which I later followed), and hurricane Katrina which forced us to push the wedding off for 4 months.
We decided that we wanted to wait a little while before having kids. All of our friends were kidless and we just didn't think we were ready. I then found out that I had a fibroid tumor on my uterus the size of a grapefruit that had to be removed before kids were possible. The surgery went great. No more excuses, it was time to try for kiddos!
In may of 2008, we went on a cruise with our best friends, who we helped hook up together, and BAM, we got pregnant! I wonder how that happened? LOL! Things were going great, other than a little bleeding in the beginning which turned out was kind of normal.
I had a dr.'s appt on august 22, 2008. Doc told me that my blood pressure was a little low, but nothing to worry about. He sent me next door for my blood work and then off I went about my day. We scheduled the next ultrasound for 2 weeks, that's when we were going to find out what the sex was. It was about 3am and I woke up and had to pee. When I sat down, the pain started. My abdomen hurt so bad! I couldn't breathe! I could barely move. I screamed for George to call 911. He was frantic. Running around the house looking for my pants and shoes. Yea, like I was really going to get dressed at a time like this. I just wanted EMS to get here and tell me what was going on.
They finally arrived, but didn't have a clue what was wrong. My blood pressure was extremely low, so off to the hospital we went. In the ER, they kept comming in asking questions and looking at charts and screens and kept leaving again. The tests went on for hours! No pain meds for me, I was preggers! It sucked!
They finally moved me to the labor & delivery floor sometime that morning. We were in a larger, private room so we could get some rest. They still don't know what is wrong, but the baby looked fine. After some time, I woke up to what I thought was me peeing on myself. Wrong, my water just broke, I going into labor! WHAT?! They said the baby was fine! The on call Doc came in & told us that I had to deliver this baby and they would start potossin. Over my DEAD body!!! There wad no way in Hell that I was delivering this baby that had no chance of survival! Besides, my Doc and I already decided on a c-section because of the fibroid surgery I had less than a year prior. She finally agreed to a section because they had to do an exploratory surgery anyway to figure out what was wrong with me. I kissed my husband good bye and off I went, still knowing nothing.
After surgery, I woke up in the ICU and there was a party going on in my room! Well, maybe not a party, but the drugs sure made it feel that way! I look to my left, and she looked like an angel kneeling next to my bedside. It was the Doc. She was there to tell me what happened. She thought they should wait till morning, but George knows me all too well and told her I would ask as soon as I woke. He was right!
It was a condition called placenta percreta. My placenta actually ruptured my uterin wall. That's not something that you hear about everyday. There is a reason why, it is very rare, and usually happens during labor, which results in a live birth and an emergency hysterectomy. Well, we got 1 out of 2. At that time, there had only been 3 confirmed cases of this happening during pregnancy including mine. Only 1 person lived, me.
That is why today is such an important day for me and George. Thank you Jesus! More to follow...
Tara
It's Offical!
Well I went for my blood test today and was so nervous! I kept praying for big numbers! Before I went in I talked to the Nurse in Austin and she said that we want a number between 50 & 100. But she also said that since we were testing a day early, if the number was a little lower than that it would be okay. So as I was walking in to the lab all I kept thinking was "Please be a high enough number, I really don't want to disappoint Tara & George!" They draw my blood, which if any of you know me, know that I hate to have that done, and they send me on my way. The nurse told me it should be about 2hrs before the results would be in. Do you know how long 2hrs are? It is exactly 120 mins, or 7200 seconds! (not that I was counting) hehe! Finally the nurse calls and gives me the great news! My number is...
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.
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.
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.137!!!!!! (and that is a day EARLY) :)
Okay, now how many of you are thinking twins?
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.137!!!!!! (and that is a day EARLY) :)
Okay, now how many of you are thinking twins?
Addicted to POAS!
***CAUTION! LOTS OF PEE TALK!
Brad and I drove home from Austin on Thursday, and Hayden was out of school on Friday so I took him shopping with me! (Had to bribe him with an ICEE, but he agreed) We were on a mission... to buy home pregnancy tests (hpt)! First stop Dollar Tree, why you ask? Cause they are only a dollar! haha! So I bought 5 tests, figured I could use those to practice peeing...cause practice makes perfect, right? Our next stop was Target to pick up a few of the more expensive ones for when the time was right! I bought an UP brand (generic for e.p.t.) which had 2 test and a Clearblue Easy Digital (the ones that say "pregnant" "not pregnant") because I thought they were neat and cool and they didn't have this technology when I was pregnant with Hayden! Anyway, I had to pee while I was at Target so I figured, no time like the present to start practicing, right? So into the bathroom I go with my $1 DT hpt, ripped it open did the deed! Needless to say... Negative! After purchasing the hpts, some shampoo and an Icee at Target we were off to the house! Later that evening I had the urge to pee again and guess what happens next... negative result again. Not to worry though, it is still way to early to get a positive result and they are only $1anyway. The next morning I woke up and figured I would try the UP brand since it was the first morning urine (fmu)! Neg again! I do notice though that this peeing on a stick thing is becoming very ADDICTIVE! I get on the Internet to find out what test out there is the best and all fingers point to First Response Early Result (FRER), so off to the store we go again, and purchase a three pack... just in case I need extras. Seven o'clock on Saturday night I figured I would try out the FRER. Are my eyes playing tricks on me??? Do I see something or am I making my eyes see something? I pull the results out of the casing and turn it in every which direction trying to decipher if it WAS a line or not! I was driving my self crazy so I put it away! 5:30 the next morning (Sunday) my eyes pop open, I have to pee! Well this "Peeing On A Stick" (POAS) Addict surely wasn't going to let this FMU go to waste, so I break out another FRER test and pee away! Once again I think I "see" a line! Heart pounding I go back to bed and think "I will just get Brad to look at it when he gets up!" After doing numerous breathing exercises to get my heart to stop pumping I finally fell back asleep! 8:30 rolls around and I get Brad to look at the test and guess what she sees...... TWO LINES!!! I AM PREGNANT! OMG! I'M PREGNANT! I am going to make Tara and George parents! Finally! I couldn't even think straight! I thought, I have to call Tara, but Brad said that I should at least wait until later in the afternoon and take another test before I called her. I told him he was right I should wait cause I would hate to disappoint her, and as soon as he walked out of the room I picked up my phone and called her! lol! NO ANSWER! How could she not answer in a time like this. I sit at my vanity trying to put my make up on and I couldn't even do that, I just needed to talk to Tara! There was no way I was going to be able to get through the day without telling her. Few mins later (which felt like hours) the phone rang and it was her. I started by saying I had some bad new, good news, and some really good news! Naturally she wanted the really good news first but she was going to have to wait! I told her the bad news was that I spent $35 on hpt's! (**Don't tell Brad I spent that much!) The good news was that I took a test last night and I "thought" I saw two lines, and the great news was that I took another test this morning and I "DID" see two lines! She was ECSTATIC! After hanging up I was able to finish getting dressed and we headed to NOLA for the day, to catch a parade with two hpt's in tow! You didn't think that addiction stopped with a positive, did you? As soon as we made it to the parade route I had to pee again! Closest restroom was a Popeyes with a line a mile long, and yes I stood in it and yes I held up the line while I took another test! hehe! This time there was no doubt, double lines! WHOO FREAKING HOO! After a long day in NOLA with family we made it back home and guess what? (In a gitty voice and rubbing hands together) I still had 3 DT tests and a Digital one! So guess which one I took next... the fun one! It was time to see that fabulous word! "Pregnant" and that is exactly what we saw! So are you wondering what happened to the extra 3 DT test! Don't worry Brad would kill me if I wasted so I did what I do best...pee on them too and they all were positive! I just want to see the lines get darker over the days! What can I say, my name is Lisa, and I am ADDICTED TO PEEING ON A STICK!
P.S. We have our blood test tomorrow to confirm out findings, and I don't think that will be a problem!
Brad and I drove home from Austin on Thursday, and Hayden was out of school on Friday so I took him shopping with me! (Had to bribe him with an ICEE, but he agreed) We were on a mission... to buy home pregnancy tests (hpt)! First stop Dollar Tree, why you ask? Cause they are only a dollar! haha! So I bought 5 tests, figured I could use those to practice peeing...cause practice makes perfect, right? Our next stop was Target to pick up a few of the more expensive ones for when the time was right! I bought an UP brand (generic for e.p.t.) which had 2 test and a Clearblue Easy Digital (the ones that say "pregnant" "not pregnant") because I thought they were neat and cool and they didn't have this technology when I was pregnant with Hayden! Anyway, I had to pee while I was at Target so I figured, no time like the present to start practicing, right? So into the bathroom I go with my $1 DT hpt, ripped it open did the deed! Needless to say... Negative! After purchasing the hpts, some shampoo and an Icee at Target we were off to the house! Later that evening I had the urge to pee again and guess what happens next... negative result again. Not to worry though, it is still way to early to get a positive result and they are only $1anyway. The next morning I woke up and figured I would try the UP brand since it was the first morning urine (fmu)! Neg again! I do notice though that this peeing on a stick thing is becoming very ADDICTIVE! I get on the Internet to find out what test out there is the best and all fingers point to First Response Early Result (FRER), so off to the store we go again, and purchase a three pack... just in case I need extras. Seven o'clock on Saturday night I figured I would try out the FRER. Are my eyes playing tricks on me??? Do I see something or am I making my eyes see something? I pull the results out of the casing and turn it in every which direction trying to decipher if it WAS a line or not! I was driving my self crazy so I put it away! 5:30 the next morning (Sunday) my eyes pop open, I have to pee! Well this "Peeing On A Stick" (POAS) Addict surely wasn't going to let this FMU go to waste, so I break out another FRER test and pee away! Once again I think I "see" a line! Heart pounding I go back to bed and think "I will just get Brad to look at it when he gets up!" After doing numerous breathing exercises to get my heart to stop pumping I finally fell back asleep! 8:30 rolls around and I get Brad to look at the test and guess what she sees...... TWO LINES!!! I AM PREGNANT! OMG! I'M PREGNANT! I am going to make Tara and George parents! Finally! I couldn't even think straight! I thought, I have to call Tara, but Brad said that I should at least wait until later in the afternoon and take another test before I called her. I told him he was right I should wait cause I would hate to disappoint her, and as soon as he walked out of the room I picked up my phone and called her! lol! NO ANSWER! How could she not answer in a time like this. I sit at my vanity trying to put my make up on and I couldn't even do that, I just needed to talk to Tara! There was no way I was going to be able to get through the day without telling her. Few mins later (which felt like hours) the phone rang and it was her. I started by saying I had some bad new, good news, and some really good news! Naturally she wanted the really good news first but she was going to have to wait! I told her the bad news was that I spent $35 on hpt's! (**Don't tell Brad I spent that much!) The good news was that I took a test last night and I "thought" I saw two lines, and the great news was that I took another test this morning and I "DID" see two lines! She was ECSTATIC! After hanging up I was able to finish getting dressed and we headed to NOLA for the day, to catch a parade with two hpt's in tow! You didn't think that addiction stopped with a positive, did you? As soon as we made it to the parade route I had to pee again! Closest restroom was a Popeyes with a line a mile long, and yes I stood in it and yes I held up the line while I took another test! hehe! This time there was no doubt, double lines! WHOO FREAKING HOO! After a long day in NOLA with family we made it back home and guess what? (In a gitty voice and rubbing hands together) I still had 3 DT tests and a Digital one! So guess which one I took next... the fun one! It was time to see that fabulous word! "Pregnant" and that is exactly what we saw! So are you wondering what happened to the extra 3 DT test! Don't worry Brad would kill me if I wasted so I did what I do best...pee on them too and they all were positive! I just want to see the lines get darker over the days! What can I say, my name is Lisa, and I am ADDICTED TO PEEING ON A STICK!
P.S. We have our blood test tomorrow to confirm out findings, and I don't think that will be a problem!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Let's get cozy!
Just a little update for all who are sitting on the edge of their seats patiently awaiting some sort of news! Yesterday we transferred two beautiful 110-120 celled blastocytes! Everything went great, and now we are in a 8 day waiting period...boring! ha! Here's to hoping they think my uterus is nice & comfy and that they want to hang out for a while!
Friday, February 11, 2011
5,4,3,2,1...Blast Off!
Well it is a few minutes to 6:00 am. and I have been laying in bed AWAKE since about 4:15! Why you ask? In a few hours I will have had the car packed down, the four kids off to school and on our way on a 10 hour drive to Austin. Whew! I don't know why I am so nervous/anxious this time but WOW! My stomach is in knots. Maybe it is because I got the phone call from the IVF nurse yesterday with the FABULOUS news that they retrieved 14 eggs from the ED! So Austin Here We Come! Here's to a safe trip and sticky vibes!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Meds, Meds, and Meds... Oh My!
My meds came in on Thursday, and I started taking my Lupron shots on Sunday! Just thought I would show you what I saw when I opened my box, cause many people are asking how much medicine I am taking! So TADA! Here it is!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Can I buy another ticket, Please?!?
Wow, it has been almost a year since I have posted anything. It has been a waiting game of sorts. Just to give you an update, we are going for round two! I have an ultrasound on Friday and then I await the results to see if I am going to become a pin cushion starting Sunday. Things were on hold for so long and now we just got the phone call last week telling us that we are looking at a Feb 12th transfer! Whew, it is happening so fast now! I am ready though, ready to buy my ticket for another ride!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Didn't see this coming!
Well just a little update... a roller coaster ride of sorts. We took our 10 day trip to Austin, and it was FABULOUS! Saturday the 17th was Tara's egg retrevial, had five eggs and all of them fertilized! Tuesday was implantation and boy was that an experience. It is so neat to see the science behind pregnancy! There they were, Tara and Georges little miracles up on the screen and then loaded into the tube and then gently placed into my womb! Words can't even describe the feeling. It was our Brad and I's 9 year wedding anniversary, what better day to implant! Then two days of bed rest and then we played tourist for the next three days! Tara and George are quite the hosts! Cute little parts of town, scrumptious pizza, meeting great people, fabulous views of the city and just simply sitting on the couch watching movies. Sunday came way to fast and it was time to go home. I sure missed my kids but it really flew by. Monday started the dreaded wait. I started taking home pregnancy tests (HPT) like three times a day... it was way too early to start testing, but it couldn't hurt right? It was an addiction and all I really wanted was to see that second line! NOTHING! Well this morning was my blood/Beta test, so I decided not to take a HPT. I walked into the Drs office, and they drew my blood and then asked if i wanted to stay for the results. Well of course I do... silly question! Fifteen minutes later my drs nurse calls me into a room and says that it came back neg, but they didn't run the right tests...wth? so she sits me back into the hall to wait for them to take more blood. There was a glimmer of hope, maybe the test was wrong, right? Come to find out they didn't need to draw anymore blood and I was free to go, and they would call me with the results. A part of me knew that it was going to come back negative, but I prayed the whole way back to the office. Then I get the phone call, it was my drs. nurse "Your test came back neg, your hcg levels were less than 2." So I get off the phone and google hgc levels, still holding on to a teeney bit of hope. NOTHING. So now I had to make that terrible phone call to Tara. How do I tell her it didn't work. I was a mess and was in complete shock. I never thought it wouldn't work. I felt like I had been sucker punched right in the gut. It was my fault though, I should not have been so confident. How dare I just assume it is going to work. Telling Tara was so hard. My stomach was in knots. So here we are, on this roller coaster ride, blindfolded not knowing what is coming next. I know in my heart of hearts that Tara and I were brought together for a reason and everything is going to be okay!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Can we say Pin Cushion?
It's been a while and a lot has happened. A week and a half ago, I had a sonogram done to make sure I didn't have any cysts on my ovaries before I started the Lupron. Sonogram looked great and I got the green light from Leanne (ivf doctor's nurse) to go ahead and start my Lupron shots. Saturday morning bright and early, we had the car packed down ready for Disney. One last check of the house and wait... I need to take my shot. Giving yourself a shot is very weird to say the least. I knew it wouldn't hurt, but my brain wouldn't let my hand put the shot into my stomach. It took a few minutes and it was done. That wasn't so bad. So, I have been giving my self shots for 10 days now and it is going great. The kids are now giving me my shots (with assistance of course.) The best part is... No side effects so far! YAY for me! This morning I had another sonogram done so that I can start my next set of meds. Estradoil...sp? I am to continue with the shots, just a lower dose. Lets see how that goes. All in all everything is going great. Just feeling a little like a pin cushion! PS. Disney was a BLAST!!!!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Meds...
Okay, so I received my medication about a week and a half ago. The doctor shipped them to me in a huge FedEx box. I thought... WOW, I have to take all of this medication. Pills galore, lots of shots and even a few suppositories. (Yikes) LOL! I also received my calenders for the next two months! YAY! I start my Lupron shots on the 13th, my first day of Disney. This is gonna be fun! We also have a transfer date! BIGGER YAY! Drum roll please.................April 18th. Whew that is really close! (Deep Breath) Okay, so I am so super psyched about this and so ready. Is it crazy that I have already started picking up cute shirts I can wear with a belly?
Monday, January 18, 2010
I'm NOT crazy! LOL!
Well, Brad and I just got back from Austin yesterday. In my five day visit, I had psych evaluations, counseling sessions, girlie tests, and blood work. WHEW! So, after a 562 question psych test, I get to be the first to say to all of you who thought other wise... I am NOT crazy. YaY!
Bringing you back to the Wednesday we left, I had a friend ask me if i was nervous. At that point I had a lot going on with getting the kids ready for the babysitters, so I didn't have time to be nervous or excited for that matter. We were a little late (okay a lot late) leaving Hattiesburg, so I guess that is when I became a little anxious. I thought for sure we were going to miss our flight. All was fine and we made it no problem. Once arriving in Austin, I was glad we decided not to check our bags, b/c I couldn't get out of the airport fast enough, to see Tara and George. Brad and I decided to stay at their house instead of getting a hotel, and never did I feel that things would be awkward or uncomfortable. We arrived at their house, had dinner and great conversation.
The next morning was my psych evaluation. This appointment was for me, so Tara dropped me off. I was beginning to feel a bit nervous at this point. I didn't know what to expect, and a lot weighed on this portion of the trip. I had a hour evaluation with the psychiatrist. She inquired about my childhood to my intentions and everything in between. Then came the 562 question True/False test. My goodness I thought I would never finish! That afternoon we all had to come back for a counseling session with all four of us in attendance. She informed me that she reviewed my test and that I was boring. Wow, boring? I would have never thought of myself as boring, but in the psych world, boring is good! YAY! I passed! LOL! Anyway, the counseling session was really just to make sure we ALL were reading from the same book, and on the same paragraph. So I guess, in a way, we all passed! YAY again!
Friday was the day I was really anticipating. We had an appointment with the fertility clinic. I was anxious but calm all at the same time. I had my ultrasound and girlie test and then we all got to sit down with the nurse and go over the whole process. Wow, I thought, things are starting to become so real. After our appointment at the clinic, Brad, Tara and I had to get our blood work done. Not my favorite part of the trip. I hate giving blood. It make me queezy! Yuck! As I write this I chuckle, as I think back to all the shots I have to give myself and the ones Brad has to give me. This is gonna be FUN! Anyway! After they took a total of 15 viles of blood from the three of us, it was time to eat! Now that all of our tests were out of the way, the next day and a half were spent getting to know each other better. We cooked together, laughed together and even spent all day Saturday laying on the couch in pj's together.
Sunday morning came bright and early, time to go home! I was sad to leave and wished we could have stayed longer. Lots of emotions, and feelings went into and came out of this trip. We know that we are always welcome in the Silvio house and we will be going back before we know it.
Bringing you back to the Wednesday we left, I had a friend ask me if i was nervous. At that point I had a lot going on with getting the kids ready for the babysitters, so I didn't have time to be nervous or excited for that matter. We were a little late (okay a lot late) leaving Hattiesburg, so I guess that is when I became a little anxious. I thought for sure we were going to miss our flight. All was fine and we made it no problem. Once arriving in Austin, I was glad we decided not to check our bags, b/c I couldn't get out of the airport fast enough, to see Tara and George. Brad and I decided to stay at their house instead of getting a hotel, and never did I feel that things would be awkward or uncomfortable. We arrived at their house, had dinner and great conversation.
The next morning was my psych evaluation. This appointment was for me, so Tara dropped me off. I was beginning to feel a bit nervous at this point. I didn't know what to expect, and a lot weighed on this portion of the trip. I had a hour evaluation with the psychiatrist. She inquired about my childhood to my intentions and everything in between. Then came the 562 question True/False test. My goodness I thought I would never finish! That afternoon we all had to come back for a counseling session with all four of us in attendance. She informed me that she reviewed my test and that I was boring. Wow, boring? I would have never thought of myself as boring, but in the psych world, boring is good! YAY! I passed! LOL! Anyway, the counseling session was really just to make sure we ALL were reading from the same book, and on the same paragraph. So I guess, in a way, we all passed! YAY again!
Friday was the day I was really anticipating. We had an appointment with the fertility clinic. I was anxious but calm all at the same time. I had my ultrasound and girlie test and then we all got to sit down with the nurse and go over the whole process. Wow, I thought, things are starting to become so real. After our appointment at the clinic, Brad, Tara and I had to get our blood work done. Not my favorite part of the trip. I hate giving blood. It make me queezy! Yuck! As I write this I chuckle, as I think back to all the shots I have to give myself and the ones Brad has to give me. This is gonna be FUN! Anyway! After they took a total of 15 viles of blood from the three of us, it was time to eat! Now that all of our tests were out of the way, the next day and a half were spent getting to know each other better. We cooked together, laughed together and even spent all day Saturday laying on the couch in pj's together.
Sunday morning came bright and early, time to go home! I was sad to leave and wished we could have stayed longer. Lots of emotions, and feelings went into and came out of this trip. We know that we are always welcome in the Silvio house and we will be going back before we know it.
WHY?
Let me start off by saying that Brad and I have not got the positive response from people, like Tara and George have. I am going to list the most common issues I encounter and then I am going to explain to you WHY I am still doing this. You still may not support nor agree with me, but I hope you can better understand where I am coming from.
1.) What if something happens?
2.) What about your children?
3.) Do you really think you will be able to give it up?
4.) That is nine months you are giving up!
5.) No amount of money is worth the consequences!
6.) I can see you doing this for a sister or a family member, but for a stranger?
7.) You have your own motives for doing this. (I know this doesn't really sound like something neg, but it is and I will explain)
What if something happens? What IF something happens! I am fully aware of the consequences and risks of my actions. I may have complications during my pregnancy, that no doctor could ever predict! I may die during delivery! I may be put on bed rest for the whole duration of my pregnancy. I UNDERSTAND! There are risks and consequences for every action! Did you know that every time you get behind the wheel of your car, your brakes could go out, or you could get into a fatal accident? What keeps you getting into your car every morning to go to work? You get in it because it is what you have done 5 million times before and nothing has happened, and what are the chances that it will happen this time! Exactly! This is not the first time I have gotten behind the wheel and even though I know the risks and consequences, it isn't going to stop me. Because I see the WHOLE picture! LIFE!
What about your children? What ABOUT my children? Do they know what is going on? Yes! I am a mother that explains everything to my children. They are fully informed at the level of their understanding! What if you die because of this? Then it is my time to go! I am confident in the fact that my husband will step up to the plate and be the mother and the father! I have family that will love them, and I know that they will be cared for to the fullest! I can not live my life on the what if's? For those of you who truly know me, know that! Once again, I am giving someone the most precious gift of all and if I die giving someone that, I will die knowing that I allowed someone else to feel what I felt!
Do you really think you will be able to give the baby up? Yes! Am I naive to believe that I will not grieve? No! I can honestly tell you that I will cry, and cry a lot! I will grieve and I will hurt, but it is not my baby! There is no part of this baby that belongs to me! I am going into this with the thought that I am merely babysitting. When a mother comes to a babysitter/caretaker, she expects that person to keep her baby safe while she is away. Tara and George have come to Brad and I and asked us to babysit their baby/babies. When someone babysits, they love and care for this child and keep it safe, but they know that it is only temporary and the mother is going to come pick it up! And that is how I look at it. Tara and George are going to come pick up their babies, b/c they don't belong to us!
That is nine months you are giving up! Yes and no! What am I really giving up? Bikinis? yes! Drinking? yes! Riding a roller coaster? yes! Everything else? No! Pregnancy is a condition, not a sickness or a disease! I will have a belly, my feet will swell, but all of this is minor!
No amount of money is worth the consequences! This one is easy! I am not doing this for the money! I would still do it if money wasn't involved. It all goes back to my view of the risks and consequences. (see paragraph 2)
I can see you doing this for a sister or a family member, but for a stranger? This one really boggles my mind! Are you okay with the risks and consequences if I am giving a sister or family member the gift of life, but not if it is for a stranger? CONFUSION! Consequences and risks are still the same, and the big picture is that you are bringing LIFE into this world! By the way, Tara and George aren't strangers! Yes I met them a year ago, but Tara means more to me than some of my family! So I guess what I am saying is that she is my family, so now you can be okay with it!
You have your own motives for doing this. I can honestly say that there are some selfish reasons for doing this. I like being pregnant. I love the attention I get when I am pregnant. It is going to make me feel great for doing this. But I am doing something big and selfless and I am okay with have some selfish reasons for doing it. Does that make sense? Brad and I were talking about this the other day, and he made a great point. Rich people give to the poor all of the time. Why? To make them feel better about themselves! A firefighter saves lives all the time because he enjoys it and makes him feel more important or needed, but do you think the person who he saved cares about that? No, he is still a hero in their eyes! See where I am going. Yes I may have selfish reasons for doing this but I am human and Tara and George could care less, they will be holding a baby in less than a year. (WE HOPE)
So all in all, I hope this helps you understand me and my motivation, or my view on the whole process. If you have any other questions, concerns or curiosities, let me know! I would love to hear your point!
1.) What if something happens?
2.) What about your children?
3.) Do you really think you will be able to give it up?
4.) That is nine months you are giving up!
5.) No amount of money is worth the consequences!
6.) I can see you doing this for a sister or a family member, but for a stranger?
7.) You have your own motives for doing this. (I know this doesn't really sound like something neg, but it is and I will explain)
What if something happens? What IF something happens! I am fully aware of the consequences and risks of my actions. I may have complications during my pregnancy, that no doctor could ever predict! I may die during delivery! I may be put on bed rest for the whole duration of my pregnancy. I UNDERSTAND! There are risks and consequences for every action! Did you know that every time you get behind the wheel of your car, your brakes could go out, or you could get into a fatal accident? What keeps you getting into your car every morning to go to work? You get in it because it is what you have done 5 million times before and nothing has happened, and what are the chances that it will happen this time! Exactly! This is not the first time I have gotten behind the wheel and even though I know the risks and consequences, it isn't going to stop me. Because I see the WHOLE picture! LIFE!
What about your children? What ABOUT my children? Do they know what is going on? Yes! I am a mother that explains everything to my children. They are fully informed at the level of their understanding! What if you die because of this? Then it is my time to go! I am confident in the fact that my husband will step up to the plate and be the mother and the father! I have family that will love them, and I know that they will be cared for to the fullest! I can not live my life on the what if's? For those of you who truly know me, know that! Once again, I am giving someone the most precious gift of all and if I die giving someone that, I will die knowing that I allowed someone else to feel what I felt!
Do you really think you will be able to give the baby up? Yes! Am I naive to believe that I will not grieve? No! I can honestly tell you that I will cry, and cry a lot! I will grieve and I will hurt, but it is not my baby! There is no part of this baby that belongs to me! I am going into this with the thought that I am merely babysitting. When a mother comes to a babysitter/caretaker, she expects that person to keep her baby safe while she is away. Tara and George have come to Brad and I and asked us to babysit their baby/babies. When someone babysits, they love and care for this child and keep it safe, but they know that it is only temporary and the mother is going to come pick it up! And that is how I look at it. Tara and George are going to come pick up their babies, b/c they don't belong to us!
That is nine months you are giving up! Yes and no! What am I really giving up? Bikinis? yes! Drinking? yes! Riding a roller coaster? yes! Everything else? No! Pregnancy is a condition, not a sickness or a disease! I will have a belly, my feet will swell, but all of this is minor!
No amount of money is worth the consequences! This one is easy! I am not doing this for the money! I would still do it if money wasn't involved. It all goes back to my view of the risks and consequences. (see paragraph 2)
I can see you doing this for a sister or a family member, but for a stranger? This one really boggles my mind! Are you okay with the risks and consequences if I am giving a sister or family member the gift of life, but not if it is for a stranger? CONFUSION! Consequences and risks are still the same, and the big picture is that you are bringing LIFE into this world! By the way, Tara and George aren't strangers! Yes I met them a year ago, but Tara means more to me than some of my family! So I guess what I am saying is that she is my family, so now you can be okay with it!
You have your own motives for doing this. I can honestly say that there are some selfish reasons for doing this. I like being pregnant. I love the attention I get when I am pregnant. It is going to make me feel great for doing this. But I am doing something big and selfless and I am okay with have some selfish reasons for doing it. Does that make sense? Brad and I were talking about this the other day, and he made a great point. Rich people give to the poor all of the time. Why? To make them feel better about themselves! A firefighter saves lives all the time because he enjoys it and makes him feel more important or needed, but do you think the person who he saved cares about that? No, he is still a hero in their eyes! See where I am going. Yes I may have selfish reasons for doing this but I am human and Tara and George could care less, they will be holding a baby in less than a year. (WE HOPE)
So all in all, I hope this helps you understand me and my motivation, or my view on the whole process. If you have any other questions, concerns or curiosities, let me know! I would love to hear your point!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Ding... You've Got Mail!
Is emotional roller coaster a good fit?
Tara and I have been on the same page from pretty much the beginning, so when I received my contract from Tara & George's lawyer about a month ago I thought, like everything else, this is going to be smooth sailing. So I soon sent it to my attorney for review and since have been anxiously awaiting a reply. Today, to my surprise, I had received an email response from my attorney. Yeahhh, I thought, a few minor things that need to be changed and off to Austin we will go. NOT! It was full of red tape...take this out, I don't like that, DO NOT SIGN THIS and last but not least, Walk Away Fast! Wow, I wasn't expecting that. At first I was a little freaked out, not to the point of walking away, but in a way that I wasn't expecting it to be as bad as my attorney was making it out to be. Then I sat back and realized this is just one of those little speed bumps we will encounter on this untraveled journey. I mean this whole process isn't about legal mumbo jumbo! It is about the BIG picture! I called Tara and the sound of her voice reminded me that the contract was just a piece of paper and that at this point I don't really even care what that contract does or does not state. Well, after speaking to Tara, and her speaking to her lawyer, we have ironed out most of the red tape and I think we are back on track. At this point I feel in my heart that this is what I am supposed to do, and there isn't enough red tape in the world for me to walk away now! So needless to say, today I have taken a ride on the emotional roller coaster. I have laughed, cried and was even a little freaked out. I know this won't be my last ride, but I know that in the end it will all be worth it!!!! Lisa
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Leading up... Lisa's Story!
We are about to embark on an experience of a lifetime... Let's start from the beginning. My name is Lisa, and I have been happily married for 9 years. My husband Brad and I are originally from New Orleans, LA, but moved to Hattiesburg, MS three years ago for my husbands company. We have four beautiful children: Alexis-12, Madison-9, Zachary-7 and Hayden-4. All my life I have dreamed of being a mom. As far back as I can remember I have wanted to have babies, and lots of them. After GOD blessed me with Zack, my dream expanded. I now wanted someday to give that blessing to someone who was unable to have children. There is no better feeling than being a mom and how could I, someone who has easy pregnancies and deliveries, not pass that gift on. It would be sometime and another child later before my dream would come true.
GOD works in mysterious ways... Last June, the economy took a nose dive, and our family was really struggling. My husband's job was not looking so promising and with me a stay at home mom, we needed to make some decisions. House note and bills just don't stop because the economy starts to fall. All we kept thinking was, "what if Brad loses his job, there is no way he can find a job in little old town." We prayed and prayed, and one day I was on the phone with my mother, whom lives in New Orleans, and she informed me that she was putting her rental property up for lease again. It was a GOD send. We packed up our house, put it on the market and moved back home. AMEN! Brad continued to commute to MS for his job and in order to afford two house notes and four children, I got a job working for a wedding magazine. It was out of the house so I didn't have to put Hayden in a full time daycare. It was perfect, our prayers had been answered. Now all we needed to do was sell our house in H'burg.
It was August and I had just started at my new job and went to lunch with one of my new co-workers. We were making small talk, getting to know one another, when she asked how many children I had, and I had informed her that I had four. Then came the "do you want anymore?" question. I responded with my usual answer of "yes, but I want to be a surrogate first." Her eyes lit up. She informed me, that her niece had just lost a baby and is now unable to carry a child. She asked me if I minded if she gave her niece my number. I thought sure, what are the odds that we would even be compatible, but what the heck. Well lets just say I didn't hear from her niece and never thought about it again.
Christmas came and went, and my house in Hattiesburg had not sold nor did we get one offer. I realized my job with the wedding magazine was not for me and Brad's job was looking much better. Brad and I were very strong in our faith and continued to pray for direction and by mid January we were guided back to Hattiesburg. Once again we packed up our house, and headed back to the Burg. It boggled my brain, to think why did GOD pave the way to Nola only to bring us back in less than 6 months. I kept thinking we were crazy, but I guess GOD always has a plan.
I will never forget the day I recieved THE phone call. It was the end of April and I had taken the kids to a friends house to swim. I had missed a phone call from an out of state number. So on my way home, I checked my voicemail and it was her, Tara, the niece. WOW, was all I could think. So I dialed the number and she answered. At first I didn't know what to say, so I just listened, oh and yelled at the kids to be quiet! But before I knew it, we had been on the phone for over two hours. I kept thinking, this is so surreal. What are the odds that we would hit it off so well. We both wanted the same things and didn't want the same things. So in May, Brad and I took a trip to Nola to meet Tara and her husband George. We met at a restaurant for 2p.m. and when we finally paid the bill it was 6p.m. So far smooth sailing. After many phone conversations and meetings throughout the past 6 months, my expanded dream is finally coming true and I am truly blessed to know that my journeys over the past year have not been for nothing... it was for GOD to introduce us to the most wonderful, beautiful parents-to-be and we get to be a part of that.
GOD works in mysterious ways... Last June, the economy took a nose dive, and our family was really struggling. My husband's job was not looking so promising and with me a stay at home mom, we needed to make some decisions. House note and bills just don't stop because the economy starts to fall. All we kept thinking was, "what if Brad loses his job, there is no way he can find a job in little old town." We prayed and prayed, and one day I was on the phone with my mother, whom lives in New Orleans, and she informed me that she was putting her rental property up for lease again. It was a GOD send. We packed up our house, put it on the market and moved back home. AMEN! Brad continued to commute to MS for his job and in order to afford two house notes and four children, I got a job working for a wedding magazine. It was out of the house so I didn't have to put Hayden in a full time daycare. It was perfect, our prayers had been answered. Now all we needed to do was sell our house in H'burg.
It was August and I had just started at my new job and went to lunch with one of my new co-workers. We were making small talk, getting to know one another, when she asked how many children I had, and I had informed her that I had four. Then came the "do you want anymore?" question. I responded with my usual answer of "yes, but I want to be a surrogate first." Her eyes lit up. She informed me, that her niece had just lost a baby and is now unable to carry a child. She asked me if I minded if she gave her niece my number. I thought sure, what are the odds that we would even be compatible, but what the heck. Well lets just say I didn't hear from her niece and never thought about it again.
Christmas came and went, and my house in Hattiesburg had not sold nor did we get one offer. I realized my job with the wedding magazine was not for me and Brad's job was looking much better. Brad and I were very strong in our faith and continued to pray for direction and by mid January we were guided back to Hattiesburg. Once again we packed up our house, and headed back to the Burg. It boggled my brain, to think why did GOD pave the way to Nola only to bring us back in less than 6 months. I kept thinking we were crazy, but I guess GOD always has a plan.
I will never forget the day I recieved THE phone call. It was the end of April and I had taken the kids to a friends house to swim. I had missed a phone call from an out of state number. So on my way home, I checked my voicemail and it was her, Tara, the niece. WOW, was all I could think. So I dialed the number and she answered. At first I didn't know what to say, so I just listened, oh and yelled at the kids to be quiet! But before I knew it, we had been on the phone for over two hours. I kept thinking, this is so surreal. What are the odds that we would hit it off so well. We both wanted the same things and didn't want the same things. So in May, Brad and I took a trip to Nola to meet Tara and her husband George. We met at a restaurant for 2p.m. and when we finally paid the bill it was 6p.m. So far smooth sailing. After many phone conversations and meetings throughout the past 6 months, my expanded dream is finally coming true and I am truly blessed to know that my journeys over the past year have not been for nothing... it was for GOD to introduce us to the most wonderful, beautiful parents-to-be and we get to be a part of that.
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