Friday, April 16, 2010

Didn't see this coming!

Well just a little update... a roller coaster ride of sorts. We took our 10 day trip to Austin, and it was FABULOUS! Saturday the 17th was Tara's egg retrevial, had five eggs and all of them fertilized! Tuesday was implantation and boy was that an experience. It is so neat to see the science behind pregnancy! There they were, Tara and Georges little miracles up on the screen and then loaded into the tube and then gently placed into my womb! Words can't even describe the feeling. It was our Brad and I's 9 year wedding anniversary, what better day to implant! Then two days of bed rest and then we played tourist for the next three days! Tara and George are quite the hosts! Cute little parts of town, scrumptious pizza, meeting great people, fabulous views of the city and just simply sitting on the couch watching movies. Sunday came way to fast and it was time to go home. I sure missed my kids but it really flew by. Monday started the dreaded wait. I started taking home pregnancy tests (HPT) like three times a day... it was way too early to start testing, but it couldn't hurt right? It was an addiction and all I really wanted was to see that second line! NOTHING! Well this morning was my blood/Beta test, so I decided not to take a HPT. I walked into the Drs office, and they drew my blood and then asked if i wanted to stay for the results. Well of course I do... silly question! Fifteen minutes later my drs nurse calls me into a room and says that it came back neg, but they didn't run the right tests...wth? so she sits me back into the hall to wait for them to take more blood. There was a glimmer of hope, maybe the test was wrong, right? Come to find out they didn't need to draw anymore blood and I was free to go, and they would call me with the results. A part of me knew that it was going to come back negative, but I prayed the whole way back to the office. Then I get the phone call, it was my drs. nurse "Your test came back neg, your hcg levels were less than 2." So I get off the phone and google hgc levels, still holding on to a teeney bit of hope. NOTHING. So now I had to make that terrible phone call to Tara. How do I tell her it didn't work. I was a mess and was in complete shock. I never thought it wouldn't work. I felt like I had been sucker punched right in the gut. It was my fault though, I should not have been so confident. How dare I just assume it is going to work. Telling Tara was so hard. My stomach was in knots. So here we are, on this roller coaster ride, blindfolded not knowing what is coming next. I know in my heart of hearts that Tara and I were brought together for a reason and everything is going to be okay!

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